Sun 030825 Gambled: £3.xx/won £60.00/continued gambling...lost the whole lot! Bet on 'red'...; and, 'black' came up 11 times in a row...?!
Today, my bank a/c balance said: £50+.
Then I went and did some shopping at Crown Point Lidl Supermarket in West Norwood...the balance when I came back home said just: £27.00 left.
But, I was meant to keep, at least, £44.00 balance in there...; in order to pay for my Dulwich Picture Gallery 'friends' yearly membership fee.
- https://www.dulwichpicturegallery.org.uk
Honestly, I couldn't 'resist' going out and buying myself some food;
as food stocks were getting really low.
-----
I brought some biscuits:-
- sweet biscuits 2 x packets of chocolate biscuits
- salt biscuits: Chedder thins
...together with some food:
1 x packet of Sausage Rolls
3 x Mangos
1 x easy peeler tangerines.
1 x packet of porridge
3 x packets of cereals
5 x jam doughnuts
1 x carton of milk
1 packet of 2 small green cabbages
...basically, the stuff I brought cost on average around £1.00 each;
so, I wasn't totally freaking out as I brought more and more stuff.
However, I was really surprised to see what the shopping bill total said: £24.53.
(Which was rather more that I was expecting...; thus, cutting my bank balance in half.)
Actually, I'd forgotten to buy...
- bread
- cheese
- eggs
- tomato's
- cucumber
- etc.
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Anyway, when I returned back home...I was none too pleased with myself...;
for having gone and 'over-spent' so much.
So, I thought to myself...how in the hell am I going to add some money to the £24.00 left inside my bank a/c. to make up £44.00...? The answer I decided was to go and do some gambling...; so, I 'signed in' to my William Hill a/c.
- https://sports.williamhill.com
NOTE: I didn't actually invest any money...as in make an actual bank a/c. 'deposit'...;
but, instead, I used what was my FREE bet wins...; the which sum total came up to £3.xx.
-(I do daily FREE bet wins at William Hill...and, sometimes, this
results in my winning some pence...the which pence balance I leave in
there to build up until such time comes when I can withdraw it...the
minimum withdrawal is £5.00)-
Well, to go cut a long story short...there was the usual 'up/down'...'up/down' Roller Coaster ride...and, after staying online playing Roulette for 3 & 1/2 hours long...;
I managed to turn £3.xx into becoming £60.xx.
At first, I was feeling sooooo triumphant...! I can now pay my Dulwich Picture Gallery membership yearly fee of £44.00/and, also, buy some more food for myself....I was thinking...
- Fish and chips
- Chicken and chips
- Pizza
- Donner Kebab
- etc.
Only, as usual, the 'addictive' gambler never truly knows when to stop...??? So, instead, of take all of my winnings and RUN...whilst I'm still ahead of the game; I just decided to continue betting.
The last bet I can remember having was betting on 'red'...; and, then, whenever that bet lost...I just, simply, 'doubled up'(which, of course, doubles my losses each time I do 'double up': 20p, 40p, 80p, £1.60, £3.20, £6.40, £12.80, £25.60, -etc.).
Unfortunately, 'black' came up 11 times all in a row...; and, by then I was far too broke to be able to invest any more money. A message appeared stating...balance too low to make even a minimum 0.20p bet.
I just cannot believe it...?! I was winning...having more than: doubled/tripled/quadrupled/-etc. my money...; double £3 = £6.00 in which case I would have had a 100% win; but, I won £60.00 (£30.00 would have been a 1000% win; so, £60.00 is a 2000% win); and, now, I have absolutely nothing left...?
DAMN!!!
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Strong 'temptation' to go and gamble more...; have to do all I can to resist...!
I'm not going to lie...the temptation I have to work through right now is...; do I take out the £24.00 left inside my bank a/c.; and, deposit it into William Hill...in the hope that I will make some more money going on top of that.
Or, do I just quit for the day, instead...; before I lose everything...?
You see an 'addictive' gambler never knows when to stop...; because, when they do succeed in doubling their money. They, then, make the excuse:
- what if I had quit earlier...; then, I could never have succeeded in doubling my money in the first place...?!
- Furthermore, who's to tell if this is not my 'lucky time', right now...to win all of the money I've lost in the past all back, again...(so, why would I wish to quit)???
Thus, if follows...
- If they win £100.00...they can't stop.
- If they win £1000.00...they can't stop.
- If they win £10,000.00...they can't stop.
- If they win £100,000.00...they can't stop.
...because,
- number 1, one can never win enough money...gambling, at the end of the day, is all about man's sheer 'greed'.
- number 2, because I lost so much money in the past...;
then, frankly, £100,000.00 win...would NOT be enough to able to cover all of my previous losses...!
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STOP GAMBLING/OR, NOT...???
Ideally, the 'addictive' gambler knows exactly what they should do...;
which is to 'stop' gambling altogether;
-(as long as they do deliberately choose to gamble...;
then, they will be tempted to gamble more...)-
otherwise, they are likely to loose more and more money to the bookies.
Because, even if they win say £10.00, now;
then, the temptation is to why not go gambling, again, tomorrow...?!
However, the sad and painful bitter 'reality' is...
you will never be able to beat the bookies at their own game;
because the odds are set against you.
You will never be able to win back 'all' of the money you have lost in the past...;
because, you went and lost far too much.
Had you lost £10.00; then, yes, you might be able to win back £10.00, for sure.
But, when you loose 100 x £10.00 = £1,000.00;
or, have lost 1000 x £10.00 = £10,000.00
or, have lost 10,000 x £10.00 = £100,000.00
it is very highly unlikely, indeed, that you will ever live to succeed in winning it all back...;
that's just a plain and simple fact.
But, the 'addictive' gambler finds this lesson very difficult, indeed, to accept, and, take in...;
that they will never succeed in winning back 'all' of their losses...???
For so long as they do remain gambling...;
then, the endless losses they suffered
will only continue to keep on growing
further and further still...?!
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ADDICTION/The illogical part
Addiction, is a really weird thing to have to describe...
in that it doesn't care too much about 'logic'...?!
It's more of an emotional hang up kind of thing...
- How could I have let the bookies beat me so bad: -£100,000.00+...?!
- I gotta get even with them, somehow or other...???
...that one can't quite get over...so, that one's life can get to 'move on'...;
that's why nursing a 'gambling addiction', in particular,
will, mostly, tend to hold one back.
In many ways, one finds oneself 'nursing a very bitter endless grudge...!'
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ADDICTION/The logical part
For the 'addictive gambler' to, well and truly, win...;
and, to beat the bookies at their own game, at last;
then, they have to quit doing gambling altogether;
and, then, the bookies cannot take any more of their money away.
This means,...
- one has to let go of any 'old' grudges/failures
- one has to let go of 'all' the past losses
- give up the 'dream' of winning
(as once one 'starts'...; then, one finds one just can't stop...?!
This means, that even when you do succeed in winning...;
you will still end up loosing all those winnings straight back to the bookies;
why, because you can't stop...and, nobody just wins, endlessly, forever...)
...and, just 'move on' by NOT gambling, anymore.
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Having an 'addictive' mind...
The problem is, inside of the 'addicts' mind...;
there are 2 things going on...
- They believe they can win...and, win really BIG...(like they are God's chosen one...who will succeed in beating the bookies)!!!
- They believe there is some either 'fixed'/or, 'flexible' strategy will will allow them to win...and, win, regularly, too.
...as long as these same thoughts do remain inside of the 'addictive' gambler's mind;
then, they will find it very difficult, indeed, to stop...?!
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For example, today I went and lost £60.00; but, started off with just £3.00.
Inside of the 'addictive' gamblers mind they look at this loss as meaning...
Had I started off with £300.00...; then, I would have made 2000% of that...£6,000.00.
-(if only I did remember to quit in time)-.
So, the 'addictive gambler' lives entirely in a 'dream' world...;
which is NOT related to living in 'reality' at all...?!
No matter how much they were to lose...;
they are still thinking they 'could' have won...
if only this/or, if only that...?
If 'black' came up 11 times in a row...; instead, of the 'red' I was betting on...;
then, what would have happened to my total if I had been betting on 'black' instead.
You see, the 'addictive' gamblers mind set is wholly 'optimistic'
-(or, in fact, wholly 'delusional'...?!)-
to them, any loss/any failure...;
they still see as meaning a possible win.
Consequently,
they are blind to loss
they are blind to failure
they are blind to the value and worth of of money
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