Tue 27/Wed 280421 Gambled and lost: -£95.00+!

For some reason, I found my mind being focussed entirely on 'gambling'...; and, the urge just wouldn't stop...?!

I think, that to some large degree I was encouraged by...

-> Playing every 4 hours FREE poker games at ZyngaPoker.com

-> Having had some money come in

You see I had some serious bills to go and pay...; and, not just merely one or two...; but, more like ten or twenty of these: 

£40.00 - Direct Debits due at the end of the month
£40.00 - Bank charges due on an overdraft loan £2,000.00
£25.00 - Monthly payment due on loan amouting to £400.00
£30.00 - Due to the internet/telephone company
£30.00 - Due to anti-virus software renewal
£......
-etc.

But, of course, with just £100.00 being available...I didn't have sufficient money to be able to pay off all of these debts...; so, my mind thought about the 'one and only' way I know how to make money online; and, that is to go gambling.

-----

I used multiple different web sites to play, including...

-> Coral

-> Ladbrokes

-> PaddyPower

-> WilliamHill

...and, also, I tried played various different games...; if my luck went dreadfully bad on one; then, quite simply, I switched to playing another type of game...

-> Hi/Lo cards

-> Roulette

-----

Anyway, the end result of all this was, I lost; and, lost; and, lost...really most miserably! I'm not saying I never won anything at all...many times, my total went up...and, I even doubled my money, at times...but, because I felt I'd just NOT won enough to be able to pay ALL of the bills with...therefore, I continued gambling, further and further; but, of course, the longer you stay there gambling for...; -because the odds are always set against your winning anything-; therefore, the more likely it is you will end up losing, eventually.

A large part of my losing was just betting far too high...I recall betting £15...then, doubling it up to become...£30.00 on Roulette; and, then, losing. I also went 'all in' on HiLo cards...and, lost. And, so on...; eventually, when my balance said virtually next to nil...I just gave up.

-----

Right now, I still cannot believe that when the money I just went and lost is all added up...I gave to the bookies, at least, £95.00 of my money; which was really a 'big' mistake! I feel terribly sad, and, totally disgusted about having done that.

By far the worse part about having 'gambling addiction'...is one's mind still keeps on thinking...if I were to find another £100.00 to go throw in there...then, who knows, maybe, next time, I might win...?! The truth is, 'addictive' gamblers never ever learn, I'm afraid.

There's even a part of my mind which is telling me, at least, I went and got that strong 'temptation to play' out of my system; maybe, I can quit for a few days, now...before the 'gotta play' tension starts building up all over, again; though, honestly, the temptation to go do gambling is with me every single day. 

The only way I can ever get around it...is to go off and do something else, instead...; usually, something 'intensive', such as:

-> building web pages/computer programming

-> stay in, and, work on tidying up the house

-> go out, and, attempt to get away from the computer altogether

-> practice learning to draw/copy, effectively

-> exercise




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